Navigating the Tides: Managing Self-Expectations and Embracing the Power of Planning

Hello, friends and fellow journeyers,

I'm Eddie Solien, coming to you with another piece of introspection, grounded in my experiences as a proud LGBTIQA+ person, a Torres Strait Islander with deep connections to Badu Island, and someone living with distinct physical challenges, including Severe Heart Failure with left ventricle dysfunction, Auto Immune Pancreatitis, and Type 2 Diabetes. My path, like many of yours, has been one of varied landscapes — some known and others unexpected.

Today, I want to delve into a topic that's crucial for our mental and emotional well-being: managing self-expectations and the omnipresent shadow of self-doubt. Additionally, we'll explore the psychological empowerment that comes from having a plan. So, let's embark on this journey with open minds and hearts, shall we?

Firstly, let's unpack self-expectation — a psychological framework we all construct, often without realising it. It's the anticipation of achieving specific outcomes based on our actions, underpinned by our beliefs, values, and, indeed, our cultural and personal identities. For individuals in the LGBTIQA+ community, Indigenous peoples, and persons with disabilities, these expectations can sometimes feel like a mountain range — formidable and relentless.

One fundamental truth I've learnt is that self-expectations, while healthy to an extent, can become burdensome, especially when they are unrealistically high or rooted in the perceived expectations of others. This burden can manifest as chronic stress, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy, often fuelling the embers of self-doubt.

So, how do we manage this? It begins with self-awareness: understanding our limitations and recognising our strengths. It's vital to comprehend that we are not less capable because of our challenges, be they physical, emotional, or societal. Instead, these experiences add layers to our resilience and shape our unique perspectives.

Here's where the power of planning shines as a beacon. Psychological research consistently highlights the benefits of planning. When we talk about planning, it's not just about having a to-do list; it's about setting realistic, achievable goals, a strategy that psychologists often refer to as "SMART" goals — Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

In the context of our discussion, planning is also about preparation for the times when things don't go as anticipated. It involves developing emotional contingencies, which, in simpler terms, means having a self-care plan when faced with setbacks or when those pesky self-doubts begin to creep in. This approach aligns with the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy, a psychological treatment that has proven effective in managing anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.

Embracing our identities — whether as part of the LGBTIQA+ community, Indigenous cultures, or individuals with disabilities — is fundamental to this process. It involves integrating our experiences, acknowledging the systemic and personal obstacles we face, and allowing these aspects to inform our plans and expectations realistically and compassionately.

Remember, it's paramount to be kind to ourselves. Celebrating small victories is just as important as acknowledging the times we fall short. It's okay to recalibrate our expectations, to reach out for support from friends, family, or mental health professionals, and to remember that our worth is not solely defined by our accomplishments.

Managing self-expectations and self-doubt is a journey, not a destination. It's an ongoing process of learning, unlearning, and relearning. By always having a plan — one that's flexible, inclusive of our entire selves, and kind — we navigate the waters of life with a little more grace and a lot less unnecessary pressure.

Stay strong in the journey,

E